when it's never meant for u..

This Holy Month of Ramadhan has really challenged me to the limits. I was confirmed pregnant after 2 months married.. memang rasa excited sangat..siap nangis terharu when the doctor said “ ha ni dah confirm pregnant, CONGRATS..me and jaja was so excited, tersengih all the way to home and managed to make a few phone calls to share the happiness…..

Life isn’t that easy honey, indeed god already has another plan for me, due to a reason only god’s knows why, I had to do Dilation and Curettage or simply known as DnC. The Doctor said my baby not growing, heartbeat pun dah takde even my sac look oval instead of round. Belum abis doctor cakap dah nangis tersedu-sedu ni, pastu doctor kata “ jangan sedih atleast kamu punya kecil lagi not fully formed ade orang dah 7 bulan pun boleh jadi macam ni and furthermore you still young there still a lot of chances to conceive again”. Oh well it’s easy to say rather than experience it yourselfkan…Am so despair, rasa sedih sangat-sangat all the negative thought suddenly masuk kat dalam kepala otak was it my fault sebab slalu mengeluh penat tak larat and makes my baby merajuk, or maybe because I had eaten something wrong, adakah sebab lasak, ade tu sampai terpikir is it because ade momok makan my baby. Hahahha terukkan????.. Tapi masa tengah sedih2 tu bleh lagi tanya doctor kene pantang ke lepas buat Dnc ni? Sebab masa tu dah mmg set dalam kepala otak nak gi umah mak berbuka nak makan nasi ayam.. boleh camtu?? Sekali doctor kata boleh je takyah pantang..lega sikitlaaa tapi still continue nangis . I was admitted for one day kat hospital and the next day around 1 o’clock terus balik umah mak..berpantang…Seminggu lebih berpantang kalau tido sorang2 atau duduk sorang2 mmg terasa ..yelah kalau tak bulan 3 tahun depan dah ade baby dah…but I have to kuatkan semangat istighfar banyak2 I know someday he/she will be waiting me in heaven..insyaAllah.

Thanks to muna sebab suh baca satu forum dekat internet ni http://www.cari.forum.my, where all the moms, mothers to be and wants to be a mommy shares their experience regarding miscarriage, abortion and dnc. Too many precious information I have learn, indeed it makes me grow more stronger and believe there’s a reason for what had happened and only god knows what is the best for me. Despite what I had experienced, some of them already experienced things that u can’t never imagined. What ever it is, i have to be more concern bout myself now, I have to take a good care of myself ; less stress, eat healthy food and pray a lot. Thanks to my dear husband, family and friends for your endless support and advice to me whenever I need u guys. I know I’ll be fine. Mmmmuahhh. Much love!!!